Doctor Feel Good, I guess?

So here’s a weird thing… Oakton Community College, where I teach, made a deal with the State of Illinois to offer a certificate program in cannabis. Since my pharm class disappeared into the great void of oblivion (aka the Nursing program where I’m not allowed to teach because I’m an MD instead of an RN; it’s a State rule), the assistant dean suggested I consider applying to teach the pharm aspects of the new cannabis license program.

Thus I am taking an online course on how to teach online courses… so meta… because the cannabis course will likely be hybrid online. Not hybrid marijuana… never mind.

Anyway, I have mixed feelings about it; I mean, I literally tried pot twice in my whole life because I’m such a nerd… it just made me sleepy. I don’t get the appeal, really. I also don’t enjoy drinking alcohol so maybe I have a weird brain. When I worked at Johns Hopkins, the glaucoma guys had access to medical marijuana for their patients, but one of them told me the medical stuff was so weak they usually advised patients to just go get the illegal stuff (this was in 1995-ish)… so medical uses are something I can get behind. There’s some data showing opioid use drops if medical marijuana is legal [I could do a whole blog post about this], and it would be nice for ophthalmologists to not have to tell their little old lady patients to go talk to drug dealers. But recreational pot? Meh.

It’s obviously an important certificate… but do I want to be Doctor Marijuana? On the other hand, I really have nothing to lose compared to the full-time faculty so… why not? My mom is too demented to be ashamed of me and my cats will still respect me (and feline approval is what really counts). Besides, pot is no big deal anymore now that all the hippies are in their 70s and all their disapproving parents are dead. But if I teach about it once it is legal for recreational use in Illinois am I validating recreational use? Does it matter? How do I feel it when people like me who are terrified of breaking the law start trying it out for purely recreational use and then getting into car crashes?

Hm… since I don’t use it or like it I don’t know if I’m a good judge. Also since I’m 55 maybe I need to re-evaluate what I am judgmental about. (Get off my lawn!)

Evidently in this program we might also teach students how to grow marijuana; I find this hilarious. I can’t even grow a houseplant. I own a single spider plant that is 17 years old. Here it is:


That’s how terrible I am at growing plants. Seventeen years old and that’s all that has managed to survive. A spider plant should be the size of a Buick after 17 years. I can’t believe people used to let me cut open their eyes with sharp objects. And then pay me!

Medical Marijuana does have its uses and I’m more than happy to teach about its use in glaucoma and nausea and pain etc as well as drug interactions etc…

Actually, I hope I get that spot on the team; it would be fun to work with medical practitioners out in the field again. However, I fully expect that the vast majority of potential students will have more hands on experience with cannabis than I do! I am deeply ashamed. Should I be? I DON’T KNOW! The cognitive dissonance is so strong I can taste it. Tastes like confusion… and grape.

Today's Norwegian Word: marihuana

English translation: marijuana

Use in a sentence:
I enjoy using marijuana in the mountains!

Dobbel regnbuer hele veien!

PS: I turned 55 yesterday. To celebrate, I presented a report on my committee work to the Adjunct Faculty Association, my homies, at their awesome meeting at a Greek restaurant, so radical, and then went to JoAnn Fabrics to score some fleece to line my rat cage, bitches. Oh yeah dudes, I’m OG street, yo. I live on the EDGE, like totally, man.

Oh god I’m so incredibly old. Where’s my AARP membership already? Should I just buy a coffin and watch Golden Girl reruns whilst covered with a Snuggie, awaiting the end?