So I’d been told I should watch the TV show Vikings because vikings, so okay. I looked at the first few episodes and I think the costumes look cool, but evidently as the seasons went by it devolved into a GoT formula of sex and violence using historical evidence of sex and violence by Vikings… I mean it is sort of a gimme, since the Vikings were basically bastards. Anyways, evidently the dreamy actor that plays Ragnar gets killed off in Season 4 so of course I immediately searched for it on YouTube and found it here.
So, I get it, it is like the Norse edda where Gunnar gets killed in a pit of snakes while playing a harp with his toes (for reasons) but let’s think about it… Where'd the English guy get all the snakes? And why were the snakes so angry? And after the trap doors were closed, what did the snakes do when they weren't being fed Vikings? ...or... were they being fed Vikings? Can a snake devour an entire Viking? Or just like, one arm? Then it would just get stuck in the armpit. Even so, that's only four limbs for four snakes...
Now I imagine four enormous vipers totally engorged and stuck on Ragnar Lothbrok’s arms and legs stuck up to the armpits and crotch while the other snakes miserably latch onto his ears and nose. I mean, that can’t be right. If the big snakes burst open, do the smaller snakes only get like a finger a piece? How would that even work?
I feel like there are parts of the whole "use pits of snakes to do state executions" story that we aren't getting in this story...
A quick look through the internet suggests DJ Ragnar L died of dysentery. That’s no fun at all. So, I’m going to imagine this is how it really went:
English King: “Execute that Viking! Forsooth he pisseth me offeth!”
Minion: “Right-o, m'lord.”
Ragnar, dying from dysentery: “Vann?”
Minion, raising axe: “Shut it, ya wanker!”
KE-CHUNK SPLAT!
Gunnar gets killed by snakes while he plays a harp with his feet. Detail from Hylestad stave church in Setesdal, Norway.
Norwegian Word of the Day
Viking (Translation: Viking)
Vikingene kalte plyndrende "viking".
(Translation: Vikings called marauding "viking".)